Fatima Payman (WA, Australian Labor Party) Share this | Hansard source

I'd like to talk about a very serious topic, a horrible situation that I know all Australians have been thinking about. Over the break, I came across a troubling article. The headline read 'The period of abnormally high profits for Australia's largest corporations is over'. What a shock! What a loss! Commiserations! Yes, they'll still have huge profits, just not the record-breaking ones they've grown so accustomed to during this cost-of-living crisis. So it feels only right that, on behalf of all Australians, I extend my deepest sympathies to those towering corporations.

But let's not dwell on the sorrow of today; instead, let us fondly remember those brighter days when profits soared, bonuses swelled and every quarter brought new records. We recognised our record-breaking Olympians. Why have we not given the same appreciation to our profit-making corporations? Their record-breaking achievements of the past should not go unrecognised. So please join me in correcting this travesty. Let's recognise these great corporations and reflect on their achievements of making big, big bucks during a cost-of-living crisis.

First, Coles and Woolworths: you should be proud of your achievements. By price-gouging your fellow Australians, you've given Aussie mums and dads the unique opportunity to experience what it's like to choose between feeding their children and paying their rent. What an achievement! It was record profits for both of you last year, in the midst of people counting every cent. Bravo!

Next I would like to mention our big banks. While Aussies are struggling under the weight of rising interest rates and mortgages, you've managed to rake in billions. It's truly inspiring to see you take advantage of every opportunity to squeeze your customers just a little bit more. Keep up the great work.

A special mention goes out to the insurance companies. As natural disasters become more frequent and devastating, you've seized the moment to increase your premiums, leaving countless Australians without affordable coverage. That's the kind of forward-thinking business acumen that deserves recognition.

And let's not forget our friends in the energy sector like Origin and AGL. Last month it was reported that you saw profit increase by 172 per cent and 189 per cent respectively. You sat back and watched your profits skyrocket in perfect harmony with the power bills of Australian families, raising prices while families huddled together in the cold, wrapped in blankets to save on heating—very cunning! Who needs warmth when you have record profits to keep you toasty? Who needs lights when your profits shine brighter than any household bulb ever could?

Finally, let 's not forget Qantas. Congratulations on your record-breaking profits, achieved through creative methods like charging exorbitant fees, cutting services and offering customers experiences that range from frustrating to downright infuriating. It's no small feat to maintain such high profitability while your customers are left stranded or out of pocket.

So here's to all of you, the real winners of our economy. While Australians tighten their belts, you've shown that there's always room to expand your wallets. Pensioners can't pay their energy bills? Oh, well! Young Australians skipping meals so they can pay rent? Good luck with that! Mums and dads working two jobs just to keep their heads above water? Who cares? I hope you're proud of the legacy you're leaving behind. It's not every day that you get to profit off the misery of an entire nation. Well done. I hope you're happy.