Fatima Payman (WA, Independent) Share this | Link to this | Hansard source

In legislative terms, the Albanese government is presiding over a car crash—not a little accident, like scratching someone's duco in the car park, but a full-blown repercussive catastrophe, the kind you see on CCTV footage.

Take a glance at the Notice Paper and look at the bills that sits there mangled and motionless, their hazard lights shining through the haze of smoke and explanatory memoranda. Staggering close by we can see Tanya Plibersek, jaws of life in hand, desperately trying to force open the driver's seat door of a crumpled stage 2 variant of the now discontinued nature-positive model. It's difficult to tell through the smoke, but it seems that if Minister Plibersek moves slightly in either direction she would have a much easier time getting the job done.

Further down the road, towards the newest addition to the carnage, we see a man sitting on the footpath, head in hands, fuel leaking out of his smouldering vehicle like cabinet discussions. 'We'd been restoring that for a year,' he mumbled. Indeed, there was still a brilliant shine on the Reserve Bank reform badge, which shimmered by the light of the dancing flames. Behind him a ghostly voice called out, 'You're all tip and no iceberg, and you'll never be Prime Minister.' The man—Jim Chalmers—bursts into tears.

A few cars across another man has popped open the boot of his car. He strains and struggles to force out an oversized cricket bat with 'double dissolution' written on it. Unfortunately, the compact help-to-buy model is unambitious and doesn't have much space in the back. Over his shoulder, the man sees a brand-new monstrosity hurtling down the road. Broadly drafted without any public consultation, it's a silver misinformation sedan.